Planet Naruto
by CockRoachWasteland
Summary: AU: takes place in the year 3520. When coming home and vacation trip the crew of the Avenger find themselves trapped on an orange planet. With no way to phone home, how will the crew return to Planet Uchiha? Welcome to Planet Naruto! SasuNaru Yaoi Crack
1. Chapter 1

**Planet Naruto**

Cosmos (Outer Space) by t.A.T.u, **the best of**. Or album: **"Dangerous and Moving"** (2005)

_"Our home forever is outer space_

_Black stars and endless seas, outer space_

_New hope, new destinies, outer space_

_Forever we'll be in_

_Outer space, outer space"_

Planet Naruto

By Momiji Kanami

A/N: I hope you all enjoy.

AU: takes place in the year 3520. When coming home and a regular trip through space the crew of the Avenger find themselves trapped on an orange planet. With no way to phone home, how will the crew return to Planet Uchiha? And how will Sasuke come to terms that maybe Uchiha laws only apply on his home planet, especially since an orange man named Naruto had taken it upon himself to welcome the new comers. Welcome to Planet Naruto. SasuNaru, Yaoi. Crack.

**Disclaimer: no I do not own Naruto, just this plot and a few posters, and a few DVD's and Action figures, and key chains… and Wall scrolls, but I don't have any rights to the Anime or Manga: Naruto. **

* * *

Mission Log Day One

* * *

"Kiba! I want you to tell me where we landed."

"Aye, aye, captain Uchiha."Kiba gave a small bow and marched in the direction of the ship.

They had landed on a small planet. It wasn't on the Planetary Maps, but it was big enough to be un-miss-able. It should have been on the Maps seeing how it was almost as big as Captain Uchiha's home planet. Unfortunately, for the crew of the Avenger they had landed here without hope of getting hope.

Their Inter-galactic-GPS, or I.G. for short, didn't show where they were. It said on the black screen in blue letters, AREA NOT AVALIBLE… or it said: YOU ARE NOW ENTERING…NOTHING. HAVE A PLEASANT DAY IN NOTHING and it had signed off. He briefly thought of killing Shikamaru for adding such a happy I.G. but he did notice it boosted the moral on the ship. So instead he wacked Shiakamaru upside the head, when he passed him on his way out. It was still has satisfying as killing him and less deadly.

The planet was indeed orange, a bright happy orange that contrasted horrible with the chic black of ship. The grass was orange, the dirt was orange and if you looked at the sky you'd swear you saw it be orange. In fact the sky was not orange, but dark blue, with shining dots on it, the Universe. Beyond the horizon Captain Uchiha, Sasuke, saw a blue sun start to set, or rise, this planet was so strange it was hard to tell. The laws of what direction the sun set, where lost in this planet. For all he knew that could have been a shinny moon.

Captain stood standing there waiting for his crew to come and tell him he was dead or in limbo, and it might as well hang himself by the orange tree Maybe Shikamaru fixed the I.G..?

He stood there hands stuffed into his polyester black shorts that were cut of just above his knee. He wore black closed toe shoes, with white socks that looked almost like white bandages up beyond to his thighs. His black cotton shirt held the Uchiha fan on the back, and its long sleeves were perfect cover to hide the solid muscle he packed.

There was no wind on that Planet but you could swear the gods created it to make Sasuke's hair ever so lightly flutter in the not-there-wind. His pitch black raven hair clashed with the paleness of his skin and the orange planet he was on. But it matched his eyes as he breathe deep trying to undo the head that was growing with all that orange around him.

He heard footsteps from behind but did not move. "What is it Shikamaru?" he asked cold and emotionless, slightly pissed off too, because he even if Shikamaru didn't say it, Captain Uchiha understood that if he came out, he always had some bad news to hand out.

The lazy man walked up, dragging his feet like it was a chore to do so. His hair was in a somewhat loosely tight pony tail on top of his head that made him look like pineapple, he couldn't care less about his standard green khaki pants, and heavy green jacket. The only choice he had, as to what to wear was the black mesh shirt he wore, as leader of the Intellectual Mechanical and Directional Crew or I.M.D.. Basically he was in charge of anything that involved thinking and strategy, it suited him just find. "Hey," he said lazily, "this planets not on the map."

"I know that." Sasuke hissed still looking out to the horizon wondering why the hell was there so much orange?

"Ya but did you know that since it's not on the Planetary Maps you can claim it as your own?" This caused the Uchiha to cock his head, a smirk slowly grew. He could easily prevent going into war with another Nation. All wars were passed through the High court and as such they voted on whether a war will benefit or not. If it didn't and the nation still wanted to go to war they had to do it without outside help. They basically fought against the whole Nation.

"Set up a plan we do reconnaissance tomorrow." He turned around and began to walk to his ship, his eyes widen, his ship was on fire. He resisted the urge to shout, because like a grand Uchiha, they do not shout or cruse loudly, they cruse softly and hardly audible: "shit."

The flames were unimaginable. Was everything on this planet orange?! They licked the slick silver mark outside that was sign of the great UCHIHA NATION to show whose ship it was. Beside that, the Uchiha fans all over the ship was also a clue. …not that anyone said it was an over kill to have Uchiha flags everywhere (even on the toilet and the toilet paper). And even in the missiles it said in huge print "Own and made by the planet Uchiha the cosmos number one planet this side of…well everything!" They had such big egos! All of it was up in flames. Orange flames. Sasuke's eye started to twitch, he was really hating orange now.

"Looks like the ship's on fire, captain." Shikamaru lazily commented. He eyes darted as crew members left the ship with anything that might be useful. Bags and Bags (all with the Uchiha Flag on them). All crew members were not idiots, Sasuke mental noted because the ship was NEVER to be on fire. No matter how hot it was.

The crew, on the other hand, was much realistic and had fewer egos. They all knew what to bring with them in case of fire. It was drill they practiced behind the captain's back, called, "in case of a fire that will never happened because this is the Great Uchiha ship, fire drill." Awesomely named, mind you.

Beside the orange fire, Sasuke caught sight of green smoke. "At least it's not a shade of orange," Sasuke told Shikamaru. And just to piss the Captain off, the smoked turned into a light melon orange. To Sasuke the flame seemed to do that to piss the Captain off, which it did. As was evident in the palm shaped mark on his forehead.

Shikamaru, unawares of his Captain's distressed marched to the crew, who were now sitting on top of the bags they carried out.

"Check!" Shikamaru shouted, but really said loudly. He wanted to shout, but he didn't want to eject the energy to do it.

"Food will last ten days" The fat one in a white apron said.

"Rations of food, Choji?"

"Five people, two meals a day…" He thought silently before adding , "We will be okay for twenty days, until we start to feel hungry even with Rationed food."

Shikamaru sighed, "Kiba?"

The one with triangle tattoos under his eyes, smiled. "I can track food. I can smell some Planet food, now. And we are alright to set up camp." Planet food was what the crew called any food that came from the foreign planet they were currently inhibiting.

"Shino?" Shikamaru looked at the only crew member who wore a large blue coat, blue because of all the orange, up to his nose.

"Bugs might be hard to find, in a," he hesitated before saying, "orange planet, but I should be able to tell which are good or hold poisons.

"Good." He looked back to the Captain, who still couldn't believe his ship was on fire. Then he looked back. He hated to play Captain, but the current one was just a shell now. "Let's savage what we can. We'll set up camp here for tonight for a few days, try to assess what kind of planet this is, then we will move. Chance are we will be here a long time."

A collective moan was heard from the crew, but Captain Uchiha was still starting at what was once he ship. It had caught fire. Never in the history of the world had Uchiha ships caught fire. It was like saying ice-cream will last in the sun. it wasn't possible, and yet here he was starting at the orange flames and green smoke.


	2. Day 2 and Three

**A/N: The Mission Log was supposed to be at the end of the chapter, last chapter but it didn't make it. Also Days Two and Three have merged into Chapter Two.**

**Disclaimer: See Chapter One.**

XXXXXXX Mission Log Day One XXXXXXXXXX

Captain Code: 5455#482244

My ship had made a temporary detour on an Unknown planet. This planet happens to be orange and is not in the Planetary Maps, therefore as Captain and an Uchiha, it is my mission to try and conquer this planet.

Duration of how long we will be here depends on how long it will take for us to find life. If there is no life, and no minerals we can exploit, I will blow up the Planet. Such act will be taken years from now. Explanation to why I will blow the planet up not needed. I am an Uchiha.

As of Today, Shikamaru had organized the camps. We will travel and ration food.

Captain Log out.

* * *

**Chapter Two: Day Two**

Being in such an orange planet, Sasuke had a hard time falling asleep. The night sky, although blue and black with stars, was mango orange on the horizon. Shikamaru had concluded the orange-er the horizon the later in the day it was. Like the equivalent to how Planet Uchiha's sun travels through the sky. Midday would be the brightest and at the peak of orange then the day will dull in orange. But as night came, Sasuke saw 'dull in orange' meant it was still orange but not as bright. He was hoping for almost white orange or not orange at all.

The planet had two moons. The smallest of the glowing balls was the primary moon, and the largest was acting as a sun. That's where the light came from.

That day after the not-fire didn't take the ship, Shikamaru stared at the sky to examine how long a day was. To take note on planets definition of morning, night and all other things that to Sasuke seemed to believe Shikamaru made up, so he could lay about.

The other crew members explored their small grid, coming back with nothing. There were no bugs Shino could see, because he's eyes brunt of orange, and Kiba swore he could smell orange now. They were experience orange overload.

They deemed searching for food useless too because anything they brought back could kill them. So the second day was useless.

All the while Captain Uchiha stared into space, willing all this to be a very sadistic nightmare.

XXXXXXX Mission Log Day Two XXXXXXXXXX

Captain Code: 5455#482244

The planet is set around two moons, one a bright orange ball acting like a sun the other smaller, less orange ball acting like a moon.

Shikamaru has figured out the planet rotates around in a twenty four hour period. Twelve hours for night, and twelve for day.

The color orange still brothers my crew who couldn't find anything because it's so fucking orange! Everything is a different shade of orange. I was amazed my pissed wasn't orange! But as soon as it fell to the ground it looked yellow-orange.

Note to self: kill Itachi when I get home, for making me take a damn Vacation to Planet P. I will send you to this planet you sorry piece of shit called a brother to see how much orange you can take.

Mission Log Out.

* * *

**Day Three**

They had traveled twenty feet from the ship. Planting Mini-Uchiha flags ever six feet like bread crumbs. It wasn't hot, which surprised the crew, they half expected heat because of all the orange, but it was a warm day.

Captain Uchiha trailed behind Shino. His pale fingers digging into his short pockets, trying to keep from yelling and ordering the planet to stop being orange!

"Ooof" Kiba had tripped over something. He fell face first into a… hole that wasn't there a moment ago? "What that?"

Captain Uchiha, having bumped into Shino used all his Uchiha-training not to yell, but instead sneered out, "What the hell is going on?"

"Kiba fell into a hole," Shikamaru yawned.

"And why did he not notice the hole?"

Suffice to say, all four of his crewmen started at him with a blanket face. Well the three who were above ground and Kiba who was in the hole and therefore his blank face went unmissed. "It was orange." Shikamaru replied.

All those years molding his face to remain impassive slipped when Sasuke's eyebrow twitched. "Well get him out of the-"

He was cut off by a high scream of "STOP!" His crewmen looked around but they all saw orange. "Stop," the voice said closer and less loud. "You have no authorization in this section of the planet." The bodiless voice said.

A brief thought passed through Captain Uchiha's head. '_Authorization sounds like the biggest words he's ever used._

"Why," Captain asked. He stared straight because the voice was supposed to come to him, not the other way around. There was no way in hell that Sasuke was going to look around for a voice and possibly end up looking like an idiot. That is anti-Uchiha like.

"I just told you, you bastard! Stop being so difficult," the voice whinnied.

"What's your name?"

"I'm N… wait, you're on my planet. Tell me _your_ name first." The voice sounded smug like he just came up with water.

"I'm a Captain, I bow to no one. Not even a useless little floating voice. Now tell me your name." He commanded.

"Yea? Well…er…you're on _my _planet, so tell me what brings you here?" a moment of silence passed as Captain Uchiha glared at what he thought was where the voice came from. A gasp broke it. "You're here to steal all the Fish Cakes!" The voice accused. "The yummiest only grow in Orange County! You thieves!" How scandalize, Captain Uchiha, how scandalize.

"We are not here to steal anything. Overtake, yes, but it's not stealing if it belongs to you."

Before Shikamaru could amend what his idiotic captain said, they were tackled down but some orange blur and had orange bags placed over their head.

"Is there anything in this fucking planet that is not a different fucking shade of orange?" Captain shouted.

"Ya!" The voice answered back. "My foot up your ass! Orange happens to be the best color ever, EVER, in the universe, teme."

"Well you can…" Shikamaru groaned as well as the rest of the crew. It was never proactive to insult the enemy. But there was nothing that could be done. So Shikamaru and the other crew men, allowed the bodiless hands to pull or push them to their doom.

"…and that's what I think about your fucking orange! Now unhand me dobe!"

"Who you calling dobe, teme? I don't appear to have a stick shove up that high in my ass, you over strung TEME!

"Dobe."

"T-E-M-E! That spells you!"

"That spells, 'teme', not 'you' moron." Maybe their deaths would be painless. "Oh 'dumbass' that's a big word, are you sure your brain isn't going to explode?" Or maybe not.

XXXXXXX Mission Log Day Three XXXXXXXXXX

Captain Code: 5455#482244

I meet an annoying voice today. Not the usual "You're so great Captain," type voices, but a high pitch girly voice. He assured me he was a boy, but I beg to differ, with all his whining.

Kiba fell into a hole, shortly after a group of strong aliens overpowered us. I let told my men to pretend to be captured to find the head of the planet where we can attack. Along our travel the aliens left us with a dobe.

I meet an annoying voice today. Not the usual "You're so great Captain," type voices, but a high pitch girly voice. He assured me he was a boy, but I beg to differ, with all his whining.

I can only imagine the cells to be orange. And if it is orange, this planet and all its orangey-ness is going to blow up.

P.S. Still going to kill Itachi. Maybe along with this planet. He should know the pain of orange before he dies.

Mission Log Out.

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thanks a bunch for the reviews! And I'm sorry for the long wait for the update. But shit happens and sometimes that shit is watery and it's harder to clean up. Than sometimes you still have the smell around. Besides that, thank you for sticking around. Much Air kisses and hugs.**

**NARUTONARUTO Day Four NARUTONARUTO**

Sasuke was annoyed. Beyound annoyed, he was thoroughly pissed.

Not only was he not treated like royalty but now he was in a cell by himself staring at the cell bars as if they would bend to his will. He didn't know how long he was in there, just that it must have been hours!

Finally his gave a small sneer when he saw an orange body leaning on the bars. "Where's my crew?" He sneered. Normally that time of sneer would have cause the other person to piss in his pants, but this orange abomination only smiled at him! He smiled at the Grand Uchiha!

Said abomination only waved him off, "they're safe so don't worry so much. Anyways," the abomination continued, "Welcome to Planet Naruto!"

"Planet What?"

The abomination gave a small pout which was adorably. "Planet Naruto!" He repeated with a cheerfulness only used when one was high, "the greatest Planet this side of the Milky Way!"

"This side of the Milky Way?" As far as Sasuke was concerned the greatest planet EVER was Planet Uchiha. He never even heard of Planet Naruto. He quickly decided this abomination was a figment of his imagination cause by all the orange.

"Well the best planet is Planet Ramen, out in the System of The Rice Patties. It's said the planet only reveals itself to those worthy of the most delicious of Ramen." Yes this abomination was created by the subconscious of Sasuke Uchiha brought on by all the orange.

"Captain's long: Code five, four, five, five, pound, four, eight, two, two, four, four, day unknown. I'm hallucinating. It seems there was something in all the orange. I assume whatever it was, was also orange and therefore I was unable to prevent its effect from taking over. My hallu-"

"Hey Bastard Are you listening, I'm telling you about the greatest planet ever!" The now hallucination yelled. Sasuke ignored it, it was the only thing he could to prevent his sanity from leaving him.

"-cination informs me we are on a planet called Naruto. What a stupid name. "

"That's my name you bastard!"

"Beside the stupidity of the name, it also believes this is the greatest planet, which is incorrect seeing as Planet Uchiha is the greatest in the universe."

"The best planet is Planet Ramen, out in the System of The Rice Patties, you bastard! Get your facts straight! ARGH!" The hallucination shook the bars, and for a brief moment Sasuke thought it was real. What else could move bars and make noise? But then it flittered away because the hallucination was babbling about how great the best ramen tastes.

"With all this talk of food, I conclude that I am hungry. I have to seek out my crew and mobilize. We leave this Law awful planet in two weeks, the time I predict my ship will be repaired. Captain log out."

Sasuke sighed, stood and walked over to the hallucination, who was still yapping about ramen. "Listen, whatever you are, I need to get to my crew, so let me out and we'll be on our way. No taking over the planet or destroying it." Of course that was a lie, once he was off the planet Sasuke planned to use most of all his missiles and blowing away all the orange, then he would ban orange from his par of the Planet Uchiha.

"NOOO" the hallucination yelled before stomping off somewhere. Sasuke didn't mind, he was patient and if he didn't get what he wanted, he always had his top secret glare that would cause anyone to whimper and become a slave to Sasuke's command. He sat back down on the floor and waited.

The only time he looked up was when the bars open and a tray of food appeared. Rice and beef, as long it wasn't ramen he ate thankfully.

**Day Five**

Sasuke honestly thought he had been in that cell for a full week! It really was only two days, but in his defense it was hard to tell seeing as there was no walls and no way to know when the night started or ended, not that in the outside sky was any helpful anyways. He didn't do anything but stare at the wall hoping all those years practicing his glare would make the wall crumble. Had it been a person the glare might have worked but it wasn't so the glare just gave him few advance years of wrinkles.

All in all Sasuke did nothing, not even recorded his memos in is Captain's Logs. Pity really, he could have said how not orange his cell was, but then again it might still turn orange.

The bars moved again; wiggled in their stop as if some invisible force was rattling them. They moved on their own like living tentacles. At first Sasuke thought they were alive but when he touched them, he knew they were metal and therefore not living. The bars only moved because they wanted to, and because it was fun messing around with the inhabitants of the cells. They had nothing better to do.

So that was Day five of Sasuke and his crew, who were in the next cell over, spending the night in a cell on Planet Naruto.

**Day Six**

Sasuke was once again glaring at the wall, if he had glared at the bars, which he thought weren't alive, the bars would have moved, but keep that secret. He glared harder than before hoping this time his "Force" would come out. The bars rattled and instead looking at them like he would have done hours before, he glared if even possible harder at the wall.

A small cough caused him to turn to the right, where the cell bars were. The same blonde stood there looking slightly sheepish, if him scratching the back of his head was any indication.

"Where's my crew," Sasuke asked, almost knowing something horrible had happened to them.

The blonde stopped scratching instead taking an interest in the hem of his black T-shirt. He mumbled something.

"Say that again," Sasuke demanded not quite sure he understood but knowing it was something horrid.

"They escape and are now lost somewhere in Orange County!" The blonde rushed out.

Sasuke's eyebrow started to twitch but somehow it seemed that it always had twitched just not as often as it had been of late. Besides the twitchiness of his eyebrow, Sasuke also wondered why his crew would escape and not come save him. He was the captain!

"But don't worry! I'm almost certain the Orange Blob won't start for another two day, so we have two days to find them, and it's not that hard to, I mean, we just look for something not orange out there right?" The blonde was mumbling to himself, trying to convince himself of his theories rather than have a clear solution.

"What's the 'Orange Blob'?" If it had orange in the name it was almost a certain it was horrible and orange.

Sasuke watched in slight irritation and amusement as the blonde's eyes widen. "It's only the awesomeness thing in the world, besides ramen. It happens once every year! And it's so bright you can't be outside when it happens." Right…so far Sasuke got nothing useful except, his crew couldn't be outside when this _thing_ happened. It didn't seem so bad, right? "It's what makes the Land of Ramen plants bloom. What brings all the ramen, but you can't see it." He sounded almost sad, if Sasuke had a heart he would have cared.

"Why can't you see it, dobe?"

"Because it's so bright you go blind and even if you close your eyes you still go blind, except instead of seeing all black you see orange for the rest of your life, and it's called "Orange Blob" 'cause that's what it looks like. You get a few seconds before you get covered in orange, and Boom!" He spread his arms out, "Orange for the rest of your life isn't that cool? Orange!" Only he would think that.

"When do we leave?"

"Huh?"

"When do we leave, moron? Or are you going to go there all alone?" Sasuke sneered. He didn't care anymore, his crew were in harm's way and he be damned if he was going to be responsible for his men getting this orange blindness. Plus, who do ya think they will all be bitching too? Sasuke that's who and he wouldn't be able to stand it. Not one bit.

"Okay. We leave in a hour." The moron said. Sasuke wanted to follow him but at that point the bars close.

"Are you still going to leave me in here?" Sasuke cried in outrage.

"Yes," the thing said back. "You would probably sneak out and try to save them yourself and that would be bad 'cause you don't know the way around Planet Naruto and if you're not careful you could land yourself in Palm Springs and that, you bastard, is not a happy place!"

Sasuke eyes broadcasted "really?" So Naruto explained some more, and what came out was one of the stupidest things he ever heard. And it also concluded that this whole planet was stupid.

Naruto leaned into the bars. His eyes glittering with mystery, and in a soft voice he said, "there are plants that look like small Palm trees, and when you get close to them," he leaned in even more, so much so that Sasuke took a step back. For a moment Naruto didn't speak but then he whispered, "When you get close to them…"

Sasuke was a little peeked. He stepped close to learn this mystery and with the loudest voice in this bizarre orange filled planet Naruto screamed "THEY SLAP YOU WITH THE PALM OF THEIR LEAVES! THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED PALM SPRINGS! It just comes out of nowhere…" Naruto left abruptly leaving Sasuke with deaf ears and a bewildered look that said, "What the Fuck."

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Captain's Log Day I Don't Give a Fuck. **Captain Code: 5455#482244

My crew has escaped the confines of this grey cell block. The Moron had informed me we are going on a rescue mission because if we don't find them some orange shit will blind them with orange. I will interrogate this Moron and ask him when the next orange blob is coming so I can send Itachi's sorry ass there. He can suffer by seeing orange for the rest of his miserable life.

Captain's log out.

**Day Six Part 2**

They had been walking for that seemed like hours but was really only a few minutes. Sasuke was shocked to find other colors, when he walked out of the cell, beside orange. The corridor was indeed long but at the start were a series of different non-orange doors.

"Why couldn't my crew walk through one of those?" He asked.

Naruto briefly looked at a navy blue door Sasuke was pointing at, "Oh they don't show up unless I'm here. You know the planet is named after me?"

"No person names a planet, Planet Naruto, that's just stupid." Naruto grumbled but didn't comment. It was better this way, Sasuke thought; a quiet Moron was actually decent company.

They finally reached a big black solid metal door. Naruto gingerly knocked four times before the door responded with a humming vibration. They waited. Sasuke fully expected the door to burst open and reveal a bright orange lands, but instead the door vibrated some more.

Naruto smiled at him, "Its take a while, and this way you won't go into Orange Shock."

"Orange Shock?"

"Ya, you know, when you see a bright color after looking at mute colors, you start seeing patches of black? Well, here on Planet Naruto, you not only see patches of black but can start having a seizure." He said that with pride, like it was best thing in the universe. Sasuke almost shuddered but at the last moment remembered he was an Uchiha.

The door vibrated again then slowly split in half and the halves began to move into the side walls. Sasuke was please to see a mellow yellow room. Small but yellow.

"Okay walk in a straight line and we can go into the next room." They walked Naruto knocked again, they waited and the yellow wall open to reveal another yellow room with a hint of orange tint. Faint but still there. "Okay we do this until the hall senses your alright to step into the orange world of Planet Naruto!"

Naruto was such a moron.

They must have gone into at least fifteen room that all had a little more orange added to the color. By the time they reached the last room, they were in a completely orange room. "Okay behind this last door lies the awesome Planet Naruto!"

Snort. "Not that awesome, Planet Uchiha is better and less orange." Sasuke said softly. Naruto didn't appear to have caught it.

"So, do I have a pack?" He removed his back pack, a black one with an orange swirly in the middle. "Check. Does Sasuke have his pack?" He walked behind Sasuke and tugged at the green pack. "Check. Have all things I need?" He looked into his pack rummaging through it like a starved child digging into a empty bag of chips. "Check. Sasuke?" Before Sasuke could object Naruto ripped open the green packs flap and rummaged through it. "Ah Garra did prepare this one. Thanks."

"Whose Garra?"

"Let's go! Ramen here we come!" The door opened and low and behold the wonderful world of Planet Naruto blinded Sasuke with all its various shades of orange goodness. Naruto was leaving him behind before Sasuke even tried to blink the orange away. He was really missing the grey cell already.

Now they had walked for hours into a great big orange nothing. Naruto sure did look like he knew where he was going but even Sasuke could have said, go straight! That's all they seemed to be doing, although Naruto did stress once or two to beware of quicksand and had Sasuke jump and hop at the most bazaar of moments. Sasuke was sure Naruto was just doing it all for fun.

"Jump to the left!" Naruto jumped and began walking again. Sasuke was half tempted fall into this quick sand just to escape the moron, but instead he jumped, no use dying on this planet. He jumped too far to the left and landed another quicksand. At first he thought the sand had gotten watery but looking up showed him that he was slowly shrinking. "Am I shrinking?" He asked himself.

Sasuke saw Naruto's eye widen before he raced to him. "Didn't I tell you to jump?"

"Moron I did."

"Well not good enough, now you've landed in quicksand."

"Well why you are standing there for, get me out of here!" Sasuke shouted because now the sand was pulling his shorts down. Anymore down and Naruto was going to get a full show. He didn't want Naruto to get the pleasure of seeing how beautifully manly his manly bits were.

Naruto just looked at him. "I can't. You can't escape the Quicksand. You'll be swallowed up and we will see what happens after…" Naruto sentence got caught off when he saw a little bush of black start to peek out of Sasuke shorts.

Sasuke quickly looked down then up again. "Like what you see?" Teasing him wasn't really showing him; two different verbs.

"Mmm..hummm…"

That was odd but before Sasuke could smirk or do anything the Quicksand swallowed him up. Quickly, Sasuke closed his eyes. He saw red orange, damn it! He wanted to see black. Black! He wanted to see the sweetness that is so no orange, orange would be outranged!

Sasuke started feeling a little breezy. He wasn't sure this was what death felt like. He was thinking maybe death by quicksand meant getting sand everywhere like when he went to the beach and spent hours trying to get all the sand out of his hair. And then there was the fact Sasuke had to comb through his pubic hair to get all the sand out there too.

"Ahh…Sasuke? Ahumm…?" Surely in heaven, where all Uchihas go, Naruto the king of morons wouldn't be there, would he? What if this planet makes heaven be like this planet but more orangerer and more Narutos than anyone should make it legal to have? What then? Triple question marks that's huge! That's THE epic question! Is the answer 42 matching? Would there be 42 Narutos forever centimeter of space in heaven?

"No no no no no no no no," Sasuke started chanting out loud and closing his eyes as if the tighter they closed the less likely this "heaven" was going to happen. "No no no no no"

"Sasuke that's…I don't know-its not…SASUKE!" Naruto shout stopped Sasuke's nightmare. He carefully opened his eyes. Only to see a blushing Naruto almost nose to nose with him. Wait, wouldn't that mean Naruto was too standing in the quicksand? Yup he was standing in the quicksand. Great now Sasuke would be lucky if maybe his last thought before spending eternity with Naruto and orange was not Naruto or orange related. But having him so close was doing funny things…

"I'm trying to tell you, that the Quicksand takes a while for it to eat you, so…lets talk about something?" A little tint of pink brushed Naruto's cheeks, it would have been cute but Sasuke was feeling a little odd.

"When did it get windy?"

"OH." Naruto's mouth made a perfect "O" shape then he looked up and away. His eyes, thou kept flickering downwards towards Sasuke's handsome manliness.

The quicksand was eating them again, this time more rapidly than before. Naruto's blush was replaced with what looked like disappointment? And Sasuke's fears were all coming true.

He was going to die and Naruto was going to be the last thing he saw.

As the sand was nearing their necks then their heads and with one last breathe, Sasuke and Naruto were dropped on a hard floor.

Wait, wasn't Sasuke supposed to die breathing in sand?

Sasuke landed on his butt. He could feel the cold floor through his shorts, which meant the floor must have been really cold; although his shirt wasn't letting in the coldness. He made a note to check who made what clothes.

To add the cherry to his dismal situation Naruto had somehow landed face first on his crotch. He could feel the moron's breathe on his manhood. Thinking this odd Sasuke moved his left hand to pull at his shorts only to find nothing but skin. He moved his hand upwards and fisted a hand full of blonde hair.

"Oi, that hurts! Let go!" Naruto shook his head back and forth sometimes his nose would hit Sasuke's penis. Oh did that feel good. Sasuke could feel himself growing hard. "Oi let go! Let go or I'll tell Gaara!"

There was that name again, Gaara. Was this Gaara like the king of Naruto? Never mind, that didn't matter, what mattered was why Naruto was close to his manly bits, cause some deliciousness down there, and where were they that Sasuke didn't need to have pants on?

"If Sakura could see what position you two are in, she might blow the universe up. Sheesh, what a drag." That voice sounded familiar…it was like..like Shikamaru, but Sasuke was dead wasn't he? So what was Skikamaru doing on the other side? Didn't quicksand kill people?

"I see the quicksand had caught Naruto and Captain Uchiha." That vice was different and it cause Naruto to stop moving. "Naruto, you know you can't go outside when the Orange Blob is coming. No matter where you hide it will still affect you. The only way to not get harmed by it is to go underground. And you know Planet Naruto's dirt won't allow any drilling before the Blob? Did you think about that?"

"But I want Ramen and the best is when it's just bloomed, I want ramen." Naruto cried out, right in front of Sasuke penis. His hot breathe ghosted over the head and cause Sasuke to bit back a moan. Not even Sakura, with everything she did, could have gotten him to react this quickly. "Gaaraaaaa, help me pleeeeease? This one's doing funny things with his cock and I don't consent! Gaara help!"

"Captain Sasuke please remove your hand from Naruto's hair. He doesn't consent." Ok so maybe this was what his afterlife was going to be about. Damn it, he wanted it to be Naruto free. Maybe this was all a horrible, horrible dream. If he closed his eye tight enough and clicked his heals would he go home?

**A/N: I sort of rushed this out, but since its summer I should have the chapters up more quickly. Thanks again for reading. **


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